Unimaginable Grief

I have been in a funk all day.  I've been a little testy and grumpy (ok, maybe a lot if you ask Dan) and couldn't put my finger on why.  I had a lot of little things around the house that I wanted to get done around the house knowing that I semi-go back to work on Monday.  But in the back of my mind, I was thinking about making dinner tonight for a family I don't really know.  I wasn't really dreading making dinner, I was pretty much just making two of what I was making for my own family.  But I was dreading taking it to them.

Let me back up.  The family that I cooked for tonight should have had one more place at their table tonight.  Their little boy, Avery, should have been with them.  But he wasn't.

This sweet boy is in the arms of Jesus.

Avery's short life was ended a little over a week ago from a tragic accident in their home.  His sweet mother was moving some furniture in their home and the boys (7, 6, and 2 1/2) were playing while she was working.  Somehow, Avery pulled a granite mantle on top of himself and broke his neck.  He died surrounded by his family a short while later.

I have been watching Evelyn like a hawk mama ever since I heard about this accident.  Evelyn is only 13 months old, but already thinks she is more independent than she is.  And I try to foster that independence by letting her play 'by herself' often.  How often have I run into the next room to grab something...made dinner while she played across the room...ran outside to take the trash out "really quick"?  So many of us are "guilty" of running into the next room while our children play.  And yet, this family is forever changed because of just that.  This mother will forever live with the "if only" of something we all do every day.

I was consumed by sorrow for them tonight.  I cried several times today thinking about it.  I dreaded taking them dinner because I didn't know what I would say.  I don't know them personally - she is a photographer who did some shoots for The One Bride Guide (the magazine that the company Dan worked for when we first moved here), so Dan knew her vaguely.  But my heart was drawn to her from the moment I heard of this accident, and I jumped at the chance to bless them in some small way.  Never did I think it was going to be so difficult.  Never did I think I would be the one to be blessed through it.  I was crying on the way home tonight because I couldn't even imagine being in the position she is in.  I don't think I could have even opened the door 10 days after such a tragic accident.  It was so clear to me that she was being carried by our Father - that the Spirit was peace amidst their sorrow.  That, somehow, He was going to make beauty from these ashes.  And I was blessed.  Blessed to know someone who truly leaned into Jesus for her next breath, her next step.  Blessed to hold my baby, to take in her sweet scent and rock her to sleep.  Blessed to encounter the Spirit of peace in such a tragic situation.  Blessed.

I pray that I will NEVER experience the horror she must be walking through.  And I pray that the Lord will sustain and guide her as they walk through this.  As her sister in Christ, I take authority against the enemy's schemes to lie to her and make her think this is her fault.  I pray that Jesus will take her mourning and turn it into gladness as she leans into Him for life.  I pray that I will have a sliver of the faith she has to walk this out.

Pray for this family - they have such a road of healing and figuring out a new normal ahead of them. And they have a new baby sister on the way in September.  May God keep them in His perfect peace!

Rest in peace, precious boy!

(his obituary - written by his mother)