An ordeal like this can really cause you to take a step back and examine your life. To realize some things. And maybe even change as a result of it. Some things I have realized and wondered through this entire ordeal...from the trivial to the not so trivial:
...They should have rocking chairs in rooms at a children's hospital...I know I mentioned this in my post earlier today, but really, they should! I could have rocked her for hours and hours last night, hoping to take away some of her suffering and pain. But in those roll-out cot chairs, your back starts to hurt because it doesn't really support it...so you can only last so long. We did figure out that putting a pillow behind you helps with that!
...The should have baby utensils available for use at a children's hospital...Again, something I was surprised by! We were using big 'ol adult sized metal spoons to feed her. If we would have lived closer, I would have ran home to grab one of hers! We have some friends who live very close to the hospital - had we ended up staying for longer, I would have taken her up on borrowing some of their gear!
...My baby girl is a trooper...Seriously, I think about what she went through last night - all after she has been feeling bad for an entire week before. I think only Dan, Amber (her nanny) and I really realized how bad she was feeling all week running a fever (and probably hurting when she peed!). There were times that she was inconsolable and you just paced the hallway while she cried, feeling completely helpless and wanting to take it all away from her. Then she sat in an exam room going through the tests and labs she had to last night for about 2 1/2 hours total...pretty much crying (and let's be honest, screaming) the entire time. Poor baby girl is hoarse today from it!
...My husband is amazing, and has one of the biggest servant's hearts I've ever known...I have realized a new level of loving my husband through this. Watching him protect his baby girl and try to soothe her crying last night made my heart full. He is truly created to lead this family - to provide and protect us. Every time I woke up last night and saw him curled up somewhere else attempting to get some sleep, I was reminded of how much he loves me. Then he let me curl up on the cot chair again this afternoon and sleep...love him dearly.
...The Father's love is even deeper than this...This entire week, I have just wanted to take away Evelyn's pain and suffering. To make her whole again. To comfort her as she hurt. To take all her pain on myself. And I began to realize this is the Father's heart toward me (and all of us!). He never desired for us to suffer or endure pain, and so he provided a way for the pain to be placed upon Himself, so that we can be made whole. I'd do that in a heartbeat for Evelyn. I pray that this revelation will resonate long in my heart as I remember His tenderness and loving kindness toward me.
...I am incredibly blessed...As I walked the halls of our floor in the hospital, I saw many babies - some younger than Evelyn - who were not as fortunate as we are. We spent one night there...they are spending many. Colored pictures from their siblings hang on the doors...mobiles hang on their cribs...and dark circles surround their parents eyes, that somehow are still full of hope. I pray for these babies. I hurt for their parents. To endure what we did last night for endless night after night, week after week...I don't know how they do it. I pray the Lord gives them strength. I thank Him for my sweet angel, who is healthy and whole. I am truly blessed. And I am blessed to live in Corpus. Yes, I said that. I hate it here, but I am thankful to be here when my baby needed care like she has these past days. Driscoll Children's Hospital is incredible, and it's in our back yard. We didn't have to travel miles to get there. We could have come home to sleep or shower if we wanted. It is less than 20 minutes from our house. The doctors are excellent, and the nurses are wonderful (shout out to Sandra, Evelyn's favorite nurse...she was the only one who got smiles - until she was the one to give Evelyn her last dose of antibiotic in a shot!). They made our stay there bearable. They seemed to genuinely care. They probably get yelled at, and questioned as they go about their thankless work. Because as parents, it's easy to get caught up in what we are going through...and we forget that caring for children has to be very difficult. Seeing what they see, and hearing what they hear on a daily basis - I can't imagine. Their hearts are full, and their hands are willing. May they never burn out - and be ever content to be the hands and feet of Jesus to these hurting families. I wish I could remember the names of every nurse and doctor who came in. And I wish I didn't let my exhaustion keep me from joyfully answering their questions. But I pray they find joy in what they do.
The LORD gives strength to His people; the LORD blesses His people with peace.